For many women, loneliness in adulthood is not caused by a lack of people around them—it is shaped by old wounds that never fully healed.

A recent article from The Guardian explores the story of a woman in her late 30s who struggles to make friends after being badly bullied as a teenager. Despite a loving husband and young child, she feels isolated, especially when seeing other mothers socialising with ease. The piece offers an important reminder: childhood bullying can echo far into adult life.

When the Past Shows Up in the Present

Psychotherapists quoted in the article explain that bullying often damages trust, confidence, and a person’s sense of belonging.

Even years later, group settings can trigger old feelings of rejection or social danger. A school playground, parent group, or workplace lunch table may unconsciously feel less like the present moment—and more like being a vulnerable teenager again.

The Myth of Everyone Else’s Perfect Friend Group

The article also challenges a common illusion: that everyone else has a thriving social circle.

What often looks like effortless friendship from the outside may simply be people chatting casually, staying connected loosely, or managing imperfect relationships like everyone else. Social media and popular culture can romanticise friendship, making ordinary social life seem like a private club we somehow missed.

Better Ways to Rebuild Connection

Rather than forcing entry into intimidating social circles, the advice offered is gentler and more realistic:

• Continue therapy or healing work around past bullying
• Seek groups based on shared interests, not social status
• Consider mixed-age groups, which may feel less like school dynamics
• Enter social settings gradually
• Approach one “safer” person first rather than the whole group
• Let friendships develop slowly through repeated contact

Connection often grows through small moments, not dramatic breakthroughs.

The Lydia™ Perspective

For many women, friendship can become another place to judge ourselves: Why don’t I have the group chat? Why wasn’t I invited? Why does this seem easier for everyone else?

But if friendship feels hard, it may not be because something is wrong with you. It may be because something painful happened to you.

That distinction matters.

At Lydia™, we believe healing is not becoming instantly confident or socially effortless. Sometimes healing is simply recognising that the younger version of you still deserves kindness—and that adult connection can be built at a gentler pace.

A Gentle Reminder

You are not “faulty.”

You may simply be recovering.

And recovery can still lead to beautiful friendships.

Full Citation

Barbieri, Annalisa. “I was bullied when I was young and now find it very hard to make friends.” The Guardian, April 19, 2026.